Obstacle Mud Runner - Issue 7

01732 452404 ForEliteAtheletes toFunRunners 31 HEALTH : GRIEF Two weeks later, we returned to say goodbye to my beautiful grandson. Nothing prepares you for the shoe box size coffin and the highest level of emotions. My life has always been lived at a millions miles an hour, so before my feet could hit the deck, we moved house, to be closer to my father and elderly grandmother, to offer support and help. I have a huge hatred for boxes now but in hindsight, am grateful that my days were filled with mind numbing activities to take my thoughts away from those I had lost. Then the final blow came when my partner decided he needed time away too. I don’t remember much, but what I do remember is the moment I got my fight back. Laying on my kitchen floor, no tears left to cry, cold in the dark. I felt something break inside me. They say you don’t know strong until strong is all you have, and this is so true. From that darkest moment, I have not looked back! Using all the strength and determination, I put my blinkers on (the advice my father gave me!) and I began to plan my future, a future that my mother and grandson would never have. My first goal; Virgin London Marathon. Which I am running in memory of my mum for Meningitis Research. Those that know me, know I have a hatred for road running, but hey, why not. The focus and drive this has given me is the best therapy I could wish for. Next up; Spartan Competitive wave. I ran my first Spartan in 2010, just after my only sister passed away. It was a little known event back then, but I fell in love, and OC Racing was something that has brought me great comfort since. The support I have never fails to humble me I don’t remember much, but what I do remember is the moment I got my fight back. Then the Mankini Winter Nuts challenge for Children with Cancer....so this is the one I’m having huge doubts about!! Not one to shy away from a challenge, my concerns that the mankini design isn’t conducive with the female anatomy could be cause for concern for those spectating. Wish me luck. I am returning to modelling and after my running events, intend to go back to my body building roots and compete on stage. I am training hard, 6 days a week, combining strength, agility, running, core, tai boxing, pilates and swimming so I can not only be in the best physical shape, but achieve the best mind set of my life. The support I have never fails to humble me. Beef stew (made to my recipe!! You know who you are!!) cards, letters and love. I have used this grief to tackle challenges I could never overcome, starting with simple things, such as the Irish Table. My one true nemesis out on an OC, I could never find the right tech or strength to successfully scale this evil design, but yesterday, I was having a particularly bad day, so channelled this negativity into something good. For the first time ever I went over my Irish friend with ease and finesse and the sense of achievement I felt as I stood up on its top has empowered me beyond belief and I realise that nothing can stop me other than myself. Scientifically, exercise is clearly linked to the release of lots of positive chemicals in the brain, a feeling of achievement and an increased sense of pride, but beside all that, it’s the most wonderful therapy! I will not allow my grief to break me, I won’t be the Walking Wounded, I will be the Running Wounded. Proud to display my hurt, honoured to channel the pain in to something positive and doing it all in the memory of those amazing people I have loved and lost. There are no happy endings. Endings are the saddest part. But if I can say I have lived a happy middle chapter, then love and heartache will not define me, they are simply part of my story and my story is one that has made me stronger than ever and one I am proud to have survived.